Wednesday, April 21, 2010
My battle with God
Probably at that stage of my life I didn't even know the word 'atheist' but I knew what I believed. When I did discover the word I decided it was the best one to describe me. That was until a few years later I discovered the word 'agnostic' and decided that to be an atheist was just as arrogant as being a theist. Both of them think they know the answer.
A little later in my life I discovered Buddhism and was pleased that it didn't come with a prerequisite of a belief in God. I also dabbled a little in the New Age and didn't object to the concept that God might be something that exists in all of us and binds us together (but perhaps not so well) rather than the anthropomorphic God created in man's image.
Perhaps my belief system has been a fluid one throughout my life. Recently, Gaye, who is about to become a Catholic, asked me to define my beliefs at this point in time. I stated that it depends on ones definition of 'God'. If God is the all-powerful being who created everything including man in seven days then I am an atheist. At this point I looked up into the sky and said, 'I'm sorry God, but you don't exist.' On the other hand, I explained, if God is something that exists in all of us, then I am an agnostic.
The day after this it was rainy on and off. Whenever it rained it would last about two minutes and then stop again for another hour or so. That afternoon I needed to go to the supermarket which is just over the road. When I left the house I looked up in the sky and noticed it was looking like rain once again. I decided it wasn't a problem considering the current pattern. I wouldn't have to wait more than two minutes for it to pass over. I clearly didn't need an umbrella. When I was leaving the supermarket the rain was really pissing down. It was too heavy for me to run through. I would have been soaked in no time and I already had a cold. So I sat down under shelter outside the supermarket. Occasionally it seemed to be slowing down and I would get up to see if it was worth making a run for it. Each time, as I got to the edge of the awning it would come down heavy once again.
It was obvious that God was playing a game with me. It was his gentle way of letting me know I was wrong. He was serious about it. In the end I did have to run back through the rain and got soaked through. But not too serious. Let's face it, if he was really serious he could have zapped me with a bolt of lightening or sent a bus to knock me down as I ran across the road. He obviously likes me because he didn't do either and I'm still here writing this blog. But I don't give in easily. When I reached the house I looked up into the sky, shook my fist and yelled, 'You still don't exist.'
Since then there have been a number of similar incidents. God is not being mean but he obviously wants to remind me that he is more powerful than me.
When I first got my car, I was parking it in the space right outside the house. But flowers would fall from the trees and stain the paint. So I started parking it in the parking lot where there are no flowering trees. This morning when I came out to my car I could see that God had been at it again. He had sent a big bird with diarrhea to fly over my car and caused it to let fly just as it was passing over my car's windscreen.
OK God, I acknowledge that you may be more powerful than me but I still don't believe you exist.